Warehouse
50 St Johns Place, Preston, Lancashire, PR1 3XX
The smoke screen clears. A lone emo kid (circa 2004) sways,
orange vs in hand. Is this what I paid £5 on the door for?
Well
yes, as a former teenage goth girl, this club is like a beautiful time machine.
If anyone at school ever called you ugly and you went home and listened to
Adam’s Song (a fairly juvenile exploration of suicide) and cried then this is
the club for you.
Okay,
I’m being purposely specific for comic effect, but what I’m saying is the
ground floor appeals to our generation of formerly side-lined teenage rockers
almost masterfully. Firstly, the overall décor isn’t very nice. At all. The
clientele are a mix of people who liked pop punk in 2003 and people who, from
their fashion choices, appear to think it still is 2003. The drinks are
cheapish, £2 for vs or vodka and mixer and you’ll need a few in order to bounce
around to the guilty pleasures in store. Pop-punk, emo, hardcore, nu-metal and
the like.
But you’ll probably start on the
top floor listening to current, mainstream music; fool yourself you’re going to
act like a normal person. Sexy dancing to Nicki Minaj. I say that, but it’s
probably the floor with the weirdest people. Then make your way down to the
Indie floor, full of those hip and trendy kids that like “The Black Keys” and
“Mumford and Sons” and wear “chinos”. But you’ll always drift down to the
ground floor.
Warehouse: bring your
side-fringe.
Lava & Ignite
On the recently pulled Uclan meme page, someone wrote over a
picture of the Uruk-Hai: “Lava Ignite: looks
like sluts are back on the menu boys”. Now aside from the offensive notion of
women being on a menu (I’m cool… I’m not a feminist… LOVE MEEEeee), I feel like
this just isn’t the case. Rather than the girls being particularly slutty, the
lads are particularly creepy. Seriously. Gropey McTouchyson all up in this
club. Well, to be fair, it’s mostly that massive bottom floor where all
standards of decency are smashed. Like the glasses on the dance floor. (This,
by the way, is a massive inconvenience to those wearing heels.)
There
are pervs on the Indie floor too, they just don’t seem so active since it’s
harder to hide. But say we ignore all this. Every Wednesday is the “Fuzzy Logic”
club night; you’ll want to go then since the drinks are cheaper. The music is suitably current and there are
lots of seats for when you’re tired of the glass-ridden terrain. It’s a big,
fashionable club, usually £5 on the door, you’re going to go there.
What? What do you want from me?
Macs
Friargate, Preston , PR1 2EJ
Maccy Mac Macs. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou
art more soul destroying and sticky. Urgh.
Seriously
though, what is the deal with Macs? The place is bizarre. You pay £3/£4 to get
in on the understanding that they will throw you out when they feel like it.
You want to finish your drink before you leave? Ha, lowly drunk student. You
are not worthy of basic customer service. Sometimes they stay open later than
the billed time in order to suddenly switch from LMFAO and Swedish House Mafia
to Evanescence and Nickelback resulting in a thoroughly confused clientele.
And the
beach bar. Um…what? The slushes are delicious but how does this fit in with the
overall concept of Macs? It even seems to be staffed by a different breed of
human to other members. I mean, they’re happy. And kind.
Then
there’s upstairs. Where they play hip hop tracks that no one really knows. And
has massive couches in a hidden area that no one sits on through fear of what
they are surely glazed with…
The
best thing about Macs is the floor by the stairs. It invariably becomes slippy.
People fall. Every single time.
And
yet, I will still go. See you there next Tuesday; I’ll be the one by the stairs
laughing.
Roper Hall
Friargate Preston PR1 2EE
I’m impressed. In a distinctly underwhelming, Prestony way. Roper Hall is a pub with a club situated
above it. It’s the only club I’ve visited here that’s made a real effort not to
fall into the tacky/sticky route (see: Lava & Ignite, Macs, Squires). It
looks vaguely cool and modern which
means it quickly jumped to top of my list as favourite night club in Preston
(fanfare sounds). Seriously though, it’s decent and this is all we can ask for.
There’s a “Quids Night” in which you can buy delicious Malibu and coke for
£1.25, a glorious change to the alcopops I usually end up sipping. My only
niggling concern is the music. To quote Morrisey; “hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
hang the DJ. Hang the deeeejay, haaaang the DJ” and mad vegetarian ramblings.
Really,
if you’re going to play Hanson (and I strongly advise against this) don’t do it
before everyone’s drunk. It’s like the first rule of music school. Probably.
Source and 53 degrees
Brook Street, Preston, PR1 7BQ
Now I hate student unions ever since the whole fees debacle
but bless them, they tried. First, let us turn our attention to the
CATEGORICALLY IRRESPONSIBLE Thursday “quids night” at Source. £1.25 a pint,
£1.50 bombs, £1 for various spirits. You won’t save money; you’ll buy three times
the drinks. Then wash them down with several Glitter Bombs like the classy bird
that you are.
Can I
actually take a moment to appreciate Glitter Bombs? You’re drinking real gold.
True, it has a Cash 4 Gold value of minus 0.0000002 pence; but it’s there.
Ultimate luxury.
Basically,
Source is a good place to go before you hit the *ahem* real clubs every
Thursday.
53
degrees, I have to say every time I’ve been… I’ve been… well… it’s just not
that good is it really? It’s like going to a lecture on dancing and drinking.
They do it by the book. And if I wanted books. I’d hang out in the library all
night. With the other losers.
Sorry nerds, venture outside of
campus for once in your life.
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